you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
