Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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