Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
