mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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