I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you would pick up someone in the library
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
