HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
