...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
