You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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