there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
