she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
