Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
