Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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