there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
