why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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