We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
