Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
