i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
