My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
