We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
no more duck duck goose at the bar
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
