I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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