Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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