I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you had me at cake vodka
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
