i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
