benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
