I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
