when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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