Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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