I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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