no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
