Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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