Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
