this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
