You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
