jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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