i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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