U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
