Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
