She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
