i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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