i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
