Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
