She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
