I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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