she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
