Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
