there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You pole danced in your parka.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
