the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
