I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
