You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Come on in and take your pants off
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