I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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