it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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