I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
