No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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