It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
